Who Died and Made Shakespeare King?

So I have an unhealthy obsession with hating Shakespeare as literature. It is not a mild dislike for the Bard or even an occasional outburst of obscene language directed towards dear old Willie. It is a true hatred for William Shakespeare's work as literature. I know what some of you might be saying "But Fox, William Shakespeare wrote some of the greatest plays of all times. His works are timeless and must be appreciated for there contribution to modern literature" but, all I am hearing is blah blah blah. I will impart on you, dear reader, the reasons I hate Shakespeare.

Reason #1 - I had to take a semester of Shakespeare during my senior year in University. Nothing has the power to bore you to suicidal thoughts like reading Shakespeare.

Reason #2 - William Shakespeare makes it difficult for great modern writers to get the credit they deserve.  While all these old gray haired professors spout "Scholarly" facts about the literary cannon and how Shakespeare is the greatest of all times, they are deaf to the voices of modern writers whose works may surpass Ole Willie. 

Reason #3 - Shakespeare is notoriously difficult to read, even for students of English. Unless you arrived here in a time machine or are familiar with the great vowel shift and other boring parts of the english language, Shakespeare's plays will be difficult to understand.

Reason #4 - This is the main reason I do not like Shakespeare's work as literature. It is not literature.  Shakespeare wrote plays. Sure he has a sonnet or two and a few other little pieces thrown in but the majority of his work is plays. Plays are not meant to be read. They are meant to be watched. If you want to sour a student to the wonderful world of literature, make him/her read Shakespeare. 

I am not here to say that Shakespeare should be banned from libraries across the world or completely be taken out of the modern school curriculum. I am saying that he should be knocked off his "high horse" in the literary cannon. 

And to top it all off he was a political nightmare. The liberals would hate him because he did not allow women to act in his plays and the conservatives would hate him because he had men in drag to replace the women.  A sexist cross dresser. Maybe I do like the Bard after all.